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Ian M. Emberson |
Ian Emberson - writer and artist - study of Charlotte Bronte published by the Bronte Society in autumn 2005. See some of Ian's artwork here.
The Celestial Bureaucrat
Early morning of midwinter – I stepped out of the back door – looked up at the sky.
Not even the merest hint of dawn. And it all seemed cloudy, at least lower down.
But up near the zenith a ragged tear in the clouds, and through this tear the famous seven stars. Even their names are poems : Dubhe, Merak, Phecda, Megrez, Alioth,
Mizar and Benetnasch.
For thousands of years men have looked up at those seven stars which forever circle the pole – never setting. They are there every night, and every day as well – though we cannot see them. Yet how differently people have interpreted them. Charles’s Wain ( or Wagon ) seems the most apt of many names, for the first four stars clearly outline a cart, and the other three a shaft, although unfortunately there is no celestial horse to pull it. It is also understandable that farmers should have seen it as The Plough, although this involves joining up the stars somewhat differently. The French (ever with gastronomic matters on their minds ) call it The Casserole. The Great Bear, even though it gives the constellation its official name of Ursa Major, is more difficult to understand, and involves bringing in various lesser stars to complete the image. The Americans name it The Big Dipper ( “ dipper “ in the sense of a ladle –no connection with the bird which haunts fast-flowing streams ). But strangest of all is surely the Chinese, who call it The Celestial Bureaucrat.
How could they have seen these seven stars in terms of a bureaucrat ? But the idea is not totally unlike Charles’s Wain, for the bureaucrat is considered to be ensconced in the cart as he travels round the sky. Yet the idea of a bureaucrat being celestial is incongruous. Angels are celestial; gods and goddesses are celestial – but bureaucrats?
However there may be some clear thinking behind the concept. If the world is ruled by bureaucrats, why not the heavens ? – it seems a logical extension.
And what does the celestial bureaucrat do ? Obviously there will be many things going on up there that a bureaucrat would poke his nose into. He must write reports, memoranda, minutes of meetings, official letters and guidelines. There will be red giants expanding despite protests from innumerable inferior planets. Planning permission for further expansion must clearly be refused. Then there are supernovae explosions which definitely exceed the acceptable noise level – a note will have to be sent to the Crab Nebulae criticizing its disgusting behaviour in 1054. And worst of all is this vast quantity of inter-stellar dust – the celestial dustmen deserve a right rollicking. And where are all these reports, memoranda, minutes, letters and guidelines ? With billions of years to write them their numbers must be vast. No filing cabinet could hold them. But of course – the Milky Way – they are scattered right round the galaxy. How stupid of the Greeks to think it was caused by a squirt of milk from the nipple of a goddess.
There is a hint of dawn. The clouds close in. The Celestial Bureaucrat has slammed his office door.